Love Letters to FemGenius, CarePackageGiver, Lori Queen Septon

  The difference between having and claiming comes after longing and before longing had-better-not-be wishing. I do not want to relinquish the possibility of having You as friend, and yet while we both acknowledge friendship, what we really have attained is new and superficial, thus easily canceled. I for one had the-better merely come upon You when that would not at all look like some contrivance just to see You to further a somewhat acquaintance beyond this availing roughness and insufficiency. The YuleTide advenes. I hope You will not mind my making a timely card for You Yours this season; I see nil wrong with this, and would appreciate Your telling me if this is not OK . No 'tis not what I want for You to 'let me get the hint' of silence, as I-- always meaning-well-- cannot read Your mind's potential though hidden discomforts. In all then, I would like to have conversations of greater depth than hello with You in the way we are doing, too close the temptation for me...

For some days, I have not seen You. The-better I'd not infer. The Woman and Her silences, and the pinsneedles hE makes of them are just part of a dance, the dance of approach and of-course avoidance which is the symphony, not of love, but of the uncertain business of living. Maybe You are on vacation; maybe You are married and He objects; maybe You changed Your mind-- as Girls do TheirRight Y'know. Maybe You fear me because I said not-to-fear-me as most women do, Why? The familiar tone of the seeming NiceGuy may mean the SeriousGuy, and that terrorizes even You after I said please no terror I am just the nice guy, almost completely tamed of genderizing, do-too just want a friend to whom I can say Hello in the morning at Ekstrom Library. . . Where I live, where-I-be is a lonely place, with men who hate me because I am half-woman, and on the other hand with presence simultaneously of would-be seductors who smacklips about a nice rough love, push&shove. You are just a passerby...