I cannot wait in this silence: I shall merely go on keeping on as if this Hello-ing is just what it has been, a surface



For some days, I have not seen You. The-better I'd not infer.
The Woman and Her silences, and the pinsneedles hE makes of them are just part of a dance, the dance of approach and of-course avoidance which is the symphony, not of love, but of the uncertain business of living.
Maybe You are on vacation; maybe You are married and He objects; maybe You changed Your mind-- as Girls do TheirRight Y'know.
Maybe You fear me because I said not-to-fear-me as most women do, Why? The familiar tone of the seeming NiceGuy may mean the SeriousGuy, and that terrorizes even You after I said please no terror I am just the nice guy, almost completely tamed of genderizing, do-too just want a friend to whom I can say Hello in the morning at Ekstrom Library. . .
Where I live, where-I-be is a lonely place, with men who hate me because I am half-woman, and on the other hand with presence simultaneously of would-be seductors who smacklips about a nice rough love, push&shove. You are just a passerby who started being friendly, and I was taken in by a possibility that here-this-time no illusion no self-deception here-a-friend.
Any degree of acquaintance between people, particularly between women and born-men, has the same cycularity, in various degrees of intensity and action; I cannot wait in this silence: I shall merely go on keeping on as if this Hello-ing is just what it has been, a surface whose signification-beneath is just guesswork in which no non-psychotic should indulge.
I shall not hang around at the table-usual if this gets any worse for a Silence more common among the Kind Kind Woman Kind than the direct-crypto-aggress of men, babies we are so born who must have a Woman absent the breastfeed to whom Hello can be acceptable. . . I now want to go away feeling "unacceptable" and unless You look and smile and speak to me again, we are on the pole of separation, that natural state a man-- now in the way of being victimized as not-victimizing a woman by virtue of a charge of stalking when INDEED You are asked IS THIS OK and months later, in a fit of WombedPique IT IS NOT OK, CALL THE COPS, JAIL THE GUY WHO TRIED TO BE FRIENDLY, but on the WOW other hand get arroused re LOVE THE GUY WHO LOVES ROUGH LOVE on the claim that NiceLove is RoughLove by the nice-guy.
No one is WORTH my being jailed or experiencing other criminal sanction on such a whim; You may be a nice person, the nicest person, but I as a nice person born M will bother You no more until-- Why?-- You resurface in my life again.

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